The Game in Hard Mode A Curiously Evil SI
by JakeCrown
Summary: Me in Tyrion's mind. A brutal and wicked tale. Mind your stomachs.
1. Chapter 1

All I could see was a blurry white.

I felt so tired and hungry.

No control of my limbs, though I could feel them.

What had I done to deserve this kind of afterlife?

Where are the angels with white wings and harps... wait.

A few thoughts about my life...

Where are the flame-pits and little randy demons to fuck me with pitchforks?

Muffled sounds.

I saw shadows move across the blurry white.

Great giant Caucasian fingers broke through the white expanse above me.

I never would have guessed god had dirty fingernails and...

and blond curly hair?

And god brought friends.

Four giant heads loomed above me.

"Behold the freak." god said and reached down toward me.

"OWWOOOOOAHHHHH!"

A wave of pain went through me and I lost all concept of reality.

Whatever words came out of me were not of my own doing.

I just have a very foul mouth when in pain.

After the pain came to an end and my words stopped all of the heads staring at me with very strange expressions. Two with great humor and two with great shock.

I don't know if god is a cock pincher or not but, I am beginning to suspect that this is not the afterlife.

"I would not call a cursing toddler normal, but, he doesn't look like a monster to me" Said one of the heads in a very weird accent.

Mustering all of my growing muscle control to lift my left fist.

My stubby little middle finger rose and gave the blond face the bird, probably for the first time in her life.

"Fuk yu bish." Was all I could consciously manage.

Stress and exhaustion took me.

Blackness.

_Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less. . .A shadow on the wall, yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow._

TYWIN

"He is a genius, my Lord." The Maester repeated to me.

Pycelle is a fool, I know this. He is an educated fool though and that made him useful.

Was his usefulness coming to an end?

_The boy is an embarrassment and this idiot thought it genius?_

"He is a waste of air and food, and a devious little lecher. How does this make him a genius?_" _I asked the pale old man.

"He has a great mind my Lord, reads better than young Lord Jamie and better with arithmetic than even myself_. _He has shown me what he calls a zero and a processes he calls long division and it is genius beyond measure I assure you. He belongs in the Citadel. He will rise to Arch-Maester in no time I assure you." he implored.

So that is what he wanted.

A Lannister in Dorne is not going to happen.

Especially that one.

"And embarrass me with his whore mongering from the seat of knowledge?" I asked in a cold tone. The Maester winced.

I had caught six whores in his room in Casterly Rock just last week.

_He used them as furniture. _

SANDOR

"Ya got a deal, my swords your's mi'lord." I told him.

_My brother would die screaming._

"You don't know how glad I am that we could come to an agreement, now I need these supplies from the alchemist in Lannisport get them and come straight here." said the ten year old as he handed me a list.

"And don't call me lord. I'm not a lord. Just call me Boss." he continued as he climbed back back onto his chair of flesh.

"I can't read mi... Boss"

"The alchemist can. When he asks for payment, give him a smile from ear to ear. He over-charges." The evil child smiled as he drew a line across his neck with a finger, making his meaning clear. "And wear a cloak" he finished.

"Yes, Boss"

Maybe working for the Imp was a bad idea. Maybe the queen-cunt would have been a better choice.

She didn't offer what he did though.

TYRION

I lowered the reed-straw from my lips after the dart left and entered the Mountain's throat.

Sandor sat beside me on the wall as a column of riders entered the Rock, Back from oppressing more small-folk.

He immediately toppled from his horse. From here, it was easy to see that he had fallen at the wrong angle and broken his neck.

I turned to the new Lord Glegene "I'm sorry the strangler and bleeder didn't have time to kick in. I didn't mean for him to fall like that." I said.

"No need to apologize Boss. He just got killed by a ten year old dwarf, I think thats good enough." He replied with a took a long drink from a wineskin he carried and passed it to me.

My eyebrow raised as looked at him.

Too brash and loud for delicate work. Good for smashing skulls and being a patsy if need be though.

I took a swig of wine and threw the reed over the wall behind me.

Watching the Mountain's bannermen panic below was pretty damned funny to watch.

"You ever heard of brandy before?" I asked Sandor.

"The red-head at the Clam Tavern?" He asked confused.

I smiled "Lets go visit a Cooper"

He stood up and brushed off his pants.

"Whatever you say, Boss"

_He's got the idea._

SANDOR

_Thump thump thump_

"ARGH!" I yelled pushing the guardsman to the floor and out of my way. The dungeons stank of piss and worse things. Why boss wanted to waste three casks of Arbor gold in a giant copper pot with a swirly pipe out the top was beyond me. Making 'Brandy' here though, that was just like him.

Making a women named Brandy out of wine was thirsty work for my parched throat. Wasting precious golden sweet juice of all seven gods to make a women you could buy for ten damn coppers was pissing me off beyond reason.

_Three barrels wasted? MADNESS!_

"You bring it to a full boil again and I'll send you to the fucking wall." Boss said as he hit another guardsman over the head with a polished weirwood cane he kept handy.

_Thump thump thump_

Boss held out a wineskin for me to take.

"Its weaker than it should be thanks to this wet shit." Another whack of the cane punctuated the statement.

I took a swig and choked on it as it burned it's way down.

Boss laughed and informed me the next batch would be a lot stronger.

*2 hours later*

The world spun.

Four guards, Boss and I lied or sat around in the dungeon unable to get up.

"Maybe we shouldn't make it stronger Boss." I slurred.

*Whack*

The cane struck me on the head. Normally that would piss me off, but at the moment, I couldn't feel my head.

"When I want your opinion, I will ask for it." Is what I think he meant to say.

The floor rose up to meet me.

TYRION

I panted hard as I ducked under Uncle Tyg's swing and rolled between his legs. He was better with a sword than anyone I had ever met in my 'short' 15 years in this world. He trained Jamie, and now trained me at arms. I learned much by sparring with him after the break of fast most mornings. Unlike my own 'father', Tygett Lannister was always kind to me.

We both feared Genna.

We both loved brandy.

We both hated Tywin with a passion.

I was fast as I spun my lead weighted blunt hand axes into the padded boots Tyg wore to keep me from making his Achilles tendons into bruised flesh sticks.

"Yielding strike." I laughed though pained gasps.

This could be done only, because I was small and unlike most in this world knew the use of nutrition and regular cardiovascular stressing. Men use their muscle memory when fighting. Not very good for fighting someone of my stature and speed. It was an advantage I sunk my fangs into and shook like a rabid dog.

I'll be damned if i wind up into a trial by combat as often as the true Tyrion and let myself be killed by having a pointy stick wielding scrawny emo bitch as a champion.

Tyg is also having a little problem with a certain thieving asshole.

As many do these days, he came to me with his problem.

I was gaining quite the dangerous reputation as a brutally cut-throat medieval business man.

Hard to believe, I know.

I offered Tyg a solution that he was very happy with.

-

In my past life, I was a trap setter.

Often people would go hunting with a bow or a rifle. I always use a simple snare. I loved rope, knots, the scent of hemp or jute and the feel of rope pulling tight.

With snares, It isn't the power of a bullet or the death whisper of an arrow. It is about pitting your mind against a lesser one and getting the satisfaction of killing the lesser one as punishment.

Hypothetically speaking, for anyone thinking to take the ADHD medication behind my guest bathroom's mirror... Rat poison and Adderall look remarkably similar.

And beware stealing from me.

You get what you ask for.

-

I gave my uncle an exceptionally expensive Myrish glass bottle with elaborate gold lief lettering for his name-day gift.

Red and gold It was exquisite. The amber fluid inside sparkling with the little rubies and powdered gold lief put into the bottle.

At the feast in Casterly Rock I loudly proclaimed it the finest and only sweet orange brandy in the world and was fit only for the greatest lion on the rock.

The brothers have had a sibling rivalry for a long time.

Tywin the older and commander and Tygett the younger and always wanting to be free.

Anything Tygett got, Tywin must have.

It was as ingrained in father as breathing.

When asked by Tywin, I informed him that it would take two years for me to produce another bottle like the one Tyg received. A lie on my part.

A week later the bottle vanished from Tyg's room.

The week after that, Father went blind, followed by painful convulsions and vomiting til death.

Methanol was a far less painful way to go then I would have preferred.

It was justice though.

A bottle for the greatest lion on the rock.

From the new Great lion on the rock.

TYRION

On my sixteenth name-day, Uncle Tygett passed the title of Warden Of The West and Lord of the Westerlands unto me. With Jamie in the King's guard and Cersei with her own 'problems' being born, no one was able to challenge the passing. Not that they would have lest they die in a tragic accident.

A little foreknowledge goes a long way.

Especially in regards to 'surprise' rebellions.

By my retroflection, Lannisport was sacked by the Iron Islanders sometime around this point. Which is why the port city has been under renovation to base the second permanent standing army of soldiers in Westeros. The first being the Night's Watch. The Western Rangers were the second.

Corny name, I know.

But it fit these soldiers well.

I had almost all of the steel Lannister armor melted down. My bitch-sister made a fuss and kept the guards in King's Landing in red. I wrote it off and moved on. I personally find arming peasants with steel armor and swords to be a waste of time unlike my bannermen and their knights, but, I am the Boss.

My say counts for more.

After a particularly bad hangover Sandor said some shit that caused a repeat of history. Needless to say, The hounds of the west was a song far bloodier than the Reynes of Casterly. The Clegenes no longer exist.

My Lords know when to shut up now too.

They didn't even make a peep when they were ordered to ship their armories to Lannisport for re-armament.

For any other house, the expense of training a standing army of ten thousand unarmored passive arbalest would be too much to bare. By passive, I mean with a big ass roman scutum. I didn't stop there though. Fifteen thousand light leather armored phalanx spear-men and five thousand heavily armored halberd-men.

Calvary is for scouts and supply line only in this army.

No knights allowed.

They were well fed, young and low paid. They drilled together all-day, every-day. Those not patrolling that is. Unlike the lord's men under me, they had discipline out of more than fear.

Recruiting was easy. The poor starve to death in cities. I offered free food and pay for killing and discipline. The inner city youths jumped into wagons or ran their asses to Lannisport faster than a raven. From White-harbor to Oldtown, the young and fit were flocking to the west.

The Iron-born raided the Riverlands a few weeks after my name-day and avoided the fuck out of Lannister ships. Any Iron Islander that got near a Lannister port or ship got poked full of holes quick.

When Robert sent for me to send my fleet to battle the Iron-born, I sent him a raven that I would be happy to. As soon as I got my million gold coins he was loaned and decided to squandered back. Like thats going to happen.

When the Lannister guards I sent for didn't return from King's Landing, I sent her a raven.

_You don't wanna get with the program incest queen? _

_Fine. _

_Go be royalty on your own credit card._

I was uncaring if she actually understood what I said, I'm sure she understood the context.

_You are cut off._

-

PRINCE JALABHAR XHO

As soon as I got the raven, I rode from King's Landing to Casterly Rock so fast my feathered cape almost tore.

These last two years, Wasted.

I had been asking the wrong person for help in bringing justice to my poor oppressed people under the thumb of my brother. I had begged for two years in King's court to find justice for the murder of my father. Like a miracle, I am offered a way home. By the Great Lion of the Rock.

As I rode through the gate I noticed just how many men stood motionless as statues upon the wall. Massive crossbows pointed upward and rested on their shoulders. They wore red pants and jackets with no armor.

I passed great sized cranes moving large timbers or blocks of stone this way and that. A giant opening was being cut into the mountain that Casterly Rock sat atop, for a reason I know not.

At last, as I was entering the keep itself I was met by the man_*BOY_* himself as he came to greet me.

TYRION

The Squid rebellion was over by the time I got back from my year long Vacation trip. While exceptionally good with bows, the Summer Islanders have no fortifications to hold off a ten thousand man invasion fleet from 250 Lannister ships. Within a day of landing, the capital city of Walano had sent their surrender. I spent the rest of the year partying with the happy new King and setting up a trade company. The volcanic Islands were tropical paradise. plenty of rich veins too.

Massive swan-ships full of brimstone, fruit, gems and exotic women were going to be sent back and forth between the Islands and the quickly expanding Lannisport harbor. They needed metal goods, red meat and loved Brandy. I also was in very good standing with the King, despite the bloody one day massacre of his people. They were very unlikely to rebel anytime soon after it though.

His brothers were drowned with their heads held in a bucket with an inch and a half of their own children's blood at the bottom.

I don't play around with possible rebels.

One hundred swan ships sailed into Blackwater Bay with 8,000 of my returning troops and I.

It wasn't a warm welcome I received.

-

KING OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS

The little shit walked into court with a swagger and a weirwood cane. He also brought a dozen Summer Islander girls behind him.

_Ignore the girls._

He has an army outside the city walls and the closest force large enough to stop his men would take weeks to reach here should he decide to attack. Winning was unlikely, but the death-toll would be high.

"Why did you bring an army to my city?" Was the first thing out of my mouth."And why the bloody fuck did you not fight the Iron-born when I fucking told you to?" Was closely following the first statement.

"Because I am not your fucking dog!" he answered back "I have given you enough gold to buy a hundred armies! Why should I send my own when that is the only thing keeping the quiddy fucks from pillaging my own lands? As for the army, you think I'm getting anywhere near that crazy bitch without an army to keep her fucking cut-throats at bay?" He gestured at Cersei finished his explanation amid chuckles at the insult to the pregnant Queen.

I looked to my right at the Queen and tried very hard to keep a straight face while looking at her very red one.

"You think you can just" "Quiet woman!" I interrupted her.

The purpose of this meeting was the army at my gates and the thought had a sobering effect.

"So why did you come here?"

"Its about the debt you owe me." The boy said.

I felt my hands shake and skin crack and bleed as my hands gripped the sharp throne.

"You bring an army and threaten to storm my gates for fucking coppers?" I roared as I stood. The last time I felt like this was when that fucking dragon stood in front of me with his fancy armor.

"Of course not, I was wanting to trade the debt for the Island of Dragonstone and want to garrison the the Island with the men for offensives against the pirates in the Steptones." Was his quick reply.

_WHAT?_

The shock stopped me.

"That fucking worthless rock for a million gold dragons?" I asked calm again.

"These girls too." He replied, pointing behind him.

I smiled.

"Deal"

TYRION

The purpose of an army is to kill. Not to sit on their asses and drink or drill endlessly.

The population in the cities where my recruits come from are huge and far out-pace the surrounding land's ability to feed that many. Oldtown or King's Landing for example both have almost a half million peasants with a few thousand city watch and a few hundred aristocrats. In the last two years since my return, two hundred thousand young men had flooded into Lannisport.

Especially after they heard about the ten thousand that got to spend a year partying in the Summer Isles. Where prostitution is a honorable trade and even high-born ladies sell it cheap.

Dark skinned whores were shipped in from there in the thousands and moon tea was a notable cash crop in the Westerlands.

As the Rangers swelled quickly, I was glad I kept the armor cheap. They ate enough beef to outfit them all with studded leather armor. The mines in the west were geared more toward the rich iron veins in the islands to our west.

Feeding them was easy. They were mostly foreigners, as in not from the west. Some at this point were coming from as far as the free cities. None of my own small-folk were taken from their farms and forced into service like Tywin did. No knights burned down villages for some stupid reason or another like the mountain's favorite excuse 'She didn't want me to rape her and her village got in my way'. No bandits plagued my lands.

I JC'ed bandits.

Whats JC you ask?

_I hit the last idiot who asked that with my weirwood cane._

I nailed them to a stick and left them to roast in the sun.

Guess what JC stands for?

_One guess and Jake Crown isn't it..._

Disciplined troops patrolled the boundaries of the west constantly. Anyone with a sword that wasn't a local knight or Lord-ling got JC'ed.

_We Do Not Sow_

When I sent Uncle Tyg with a hundred thousand men to the Islands no one said shit.

The next year when I sent the taxes that the Iron Islands should have but never have paid to the King, he sent me a barrel of my own brandy back with thanks.

Word spread to the north that I had spared no pirate on any Island, man, woman, saltwife, or, child.

I received a demand from Lord Stark.

_To Lord Tyrion Lanniser, Lord of Casterly Rock, Warden of the West. _

_You have seized lands and slain the people of the Iron Islands. _

_Seeing as the rightful Lord of the Islands is my ward and _

_too young to put forward his own claim, I do so in his stead._

_I name you a murderer and a thief. _

_I swear by the Old Gods and The New that you are no_

_man but a criminal who should be put to trail._

_Face a trial and prove your innocence or guilt._

_Winter is Coming._

I must have pissed him off with the killing everyone thing.

Maybe I killed the one too many Northern Saltwife.

Stepped on his 'Honor' or something by claiming the land and turning seven kingdoms into six.

Who knows what it was that kicked his puppy, but I replied anyway.

I wrote and sent it under the influence then forgot it as unimportant.

_To Lord Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North,_

_The Greyjoys ignored my ravens, after pillaging one of my swan-ships. _

_I did what I said I would._

_I am a man of my word. _

_You got a problem with it? _

_Bring it on bitch. _

_I'll Fuck you up anytime, anywhere._

How was I to know he would take it to the fucking King and demand a trial by combat on the basis?

But thats for later in the story.

First you need to hear what I did with that army that I'll be damned I pay for nothing.


	2. Interlude

A FACELESS MAN

_Somewhere in the wilderness between Volantis and Myr_

I rode in the night, slept in the day.

The little wagon behind me was badly in need of a replacement wheel. The single horse pulling the wagon was used to nighttime travel and had no incident in the last month of travel from Volantis in search of my targets.

I came upon them in the armored men on horses followed by five white haired and pale skinned men in leg irons. Both of the armored men with loaded crossbows in hand and swords sheathed at the waist.

The sky was cloudless and the moon hung high.

They were quite jumpy to see an old man riding a wagon, alone in the dark.

_They should be._

"Whos' that stumblin round in the dark!" The elder of the armed men yelled into the night as my horse and wagon came closer to them.

"State your business or prepare to get maimed" He continued and brought his crossbow to bare against me as I rode into his view. My lamp was dim and sitting on the seat next to me.

"Calm yourselves gentlemen, I mean you no harm. I am just a weary traveler, whoa." I used the reins to slow the horse to a stop before the men.

"A good cold evening to you gentlemen. I am looking for a pair of slave traders that go by the name of the Speck brothers, might that be you?" I inquired, pointing at them.

"Whos' askin'" Spoke the younger of the two.

"I am Healer Schultz, this is my horse Fritz." The horse neighed and bobbed his head as he heard his name.

"What kinda healer?" asked the younger.

"A tooth puller" I answered quickly. "Now are you the Speck brothers, and did you purchase those men at the Volantine slave auction last month?" I gestured at the valyrian youths behind them.

"So what" asked the elder.

"So... I wish to parley with you." I told him.

"Speak Westrosi" He grunted back, frustrated at my vocabulary.

I gave a little chuckle and smiled friendly at them. "I apologize, please forgive me. It is a second language. Now among your inventory I have been led that you posses a specimen I am keen to acquire." I stood up and addressed the slaves before the specks could process my speech.

"Hello you poor devils. Is there one amongst you who was a brother in the Golden Company?" I asked loudly.

"I was in the Golden Company" I heard quietly from one of them.

I hopped off the wagon with more dexterity than a man of my age should posses, grabbed my lamp and made my way toward the slaves. I walked slowly down the line shining my lamp upon them to illuminate their faces.

Thew all shied away and avoided eye contact. All except one. He didn't shy away at all. He stood stock still and kept his eyes dead ahead.

I stopped at him and asked. "Whats your name?"

"Django" was the stoic answer. His eyes forward.

"Then you are exactly the one I am looking for." A worried look danced across his face for an instant and his eyes finally glanced over at me. "Do you know who the Griffs are?" I inquired.

He nodded.

"Who are they?"

"Old Griff and Young Griff his little son. The old one leads the Golden Company in Volantis." he answered

"Not anymore. Tell me, if you saw them again would you recognize them?"

"Hey, stop talking to him like that." The elder Speak brother spoke angrily.

I turned to the slaver, confusion on my face.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like that!" he raised his voice higher and pointed to me.

"My good man, I am simply trying to ascertain." "Speak clearly god dammit" The younger interjected.

"Would everybody please calm down, I am only a customer looking to conduct a transaction." I spoke slowly as I walked closer to the brothers.

"I don't care. No sale. Now off which ya." the elder spoke.

I chuckled again. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course they are for sell." I replied and moved a little closer to the mounted brothers.

The older brother lowered his crossbow to point at me. "Move it." he grunted.

I stopped dead.

"My good man, did you just get carried away with your dramatic gesture or are you pointing a weapon at me with lethal intention?" I asked. My left hand went behind my back and out of sight.

He raised the crossbow's stock to his shoulder to look down the bolt shaft for accuracy. "Last chance, fancy man."

"Oh, very well."

My right hand dropped the lamp and left us in lower light.

My left threw a knife into the skull of the elder brother. My right hand was not Idle and threw another knife into the skull of the younger brother's horse. The horse fell onto the younger brother's leg as his own crossbow went flying from his hands and out of reach.

The slaves stood motionless and in shock.

I walked over to the screaming slaver.

"I'm sorry that I had to put down your beast, but I had to make sure you had the time to come to your senses before you did anything rash." I told him apologetically.

"You god damned son of a bitch! My legs busted! You stabbed Rosco! And killed Ace!"

"You go to hell tooth puller!"

I ignored his vulgarity and made my way over to the slaves to address them.

"As for you poor devils, You have two choices."

"One, you can lift that beast off of your master and carry him to the nearest village which is three weeks the way you came or..." I trailed off as they trembled in fear in front of me.

"Two, you can kill that one and take their weapons and make your way to a more friendly part of this continent. Slavery is Illegal in Pentos. If any of you are astronomy aficionados, the North star is that one." I pointed.

Before Django and I left them we heard the slaver begging for his life.

"Now fellas, I'm not a bad guy. I'm jus doin mah job. Blueberry! Didn't I give ya mah last apple?" Before the wet thudding sounds of feet slapping into flesh with force.

just a little Interlude based on the opening scene of Django Unchained.

if any of you wanna write a fic about Django and the faceless man tracking down young griff, be my guest.


	3. Chapter 3

VARYS

I entered the small council chamber early and took my seat.

The next to enter a few minutes later was the new master of coin, Petyr Baelish.

He was quite the character.

The others followed in after him.

Lord Stannis was absent. He did not take the loss of Dragonstone to the Imp well. When King Robert refused him Storm's End and offered Summerhall instead, Stannis had left the capital in a rage and not returned since.

Lord Gerold Grafton of Gulltown replaced him.

Although the King rarely *never* attended these meetings, the Queen rarely missed one.

She was not present for this one though.

I was thankful for that.

Lord Arryn began the meeting by asking if any had news they wished to share.

I stood and began.

"My Lords, I have heard whispers in the free cities of an army of thirty thousand Lannisters is up for the highest bidder between Myr, Tyrosh and Lys. The Warden of the West has promised the city that is willing to tribute the most bounty shall be made ruler of the other two. This has started a war between all three.

I have also heard that the Stepstones are cleansed of pirates for the first time since the fall of the Valyrian Freehold.

In the Reach there are whispers of an alliance with the Westerlands who are in need of more food.

I suspect, the Lannister intends to sell his army as sell-swords to maintain their upkeep.

Soon, He will have to disband them, because i have also heard that his gold mines are running dry and will soon be out."

I sat and looked at the stunned faces at the news I had just laid on them.

-

TYRION

You must understand that news travels slowly through the free cities. None faster than my Swan-ships.

Unsurprisingly to me, Myr was able to put together a massive amount of glass-ware. Considering that it is made out of sand, I don't think it actually cost them much. They didn't know that I knew that. Everyone else in this world were kept oblivious to the secrets of glass making and I have no wish to lower the price on a commodity I can cut a massive overhead out of. They had been at Tyrosh and Lys' throats for more than a century now and saw a means to an easy victory in front of them. I had close ties with Myr for a while now, they are the ones I paid for a large amount of Artisans that specialize in crossbows.

They were happy to welcome the thirty thousand from Dragonstone into their harbor and massive city.

They came to collect payment before battle.

Lys was able to muster An entire army of whores, silver, and more wine than I knew existed in one place. It was delighted to receive thirty thousand from Dragonstone.

Tyrosh had put together a hundred thousand vest of chain-mail and uncountable helmets all in red. I was not going to pass up such an offer. They were beyond ecstatic to receive thirty thousand from Dragonstone.

What none of them knew was just how much the Iron bank made in trade off my merchantability. Everywhere I went, Trade and order were paramount and the gold flowed like a river. I was exceptionally bright with them in all my dealings and we had a very good business relationship. My men escorted Bravosi trade ships all the way to Asshai.

They and I had something in common.

A very strong dislike for slavery.

The ninety thousand that left Dragonstone were never intended to serve those slaver cities.

They were to put the city leaders to the sword and maintain control until new rulers could be put in place.

While I dealt with the Reach.

I took a bite of the bacon, crisped black and gestured to the seat in front of my desk."Please sit my Lady, I would prefer to conduct business with you honestly and on the level."

"On the level?" She asked as she took a seat.

"Forgive the Masonic slang. What I meant to say, If we are to speak honestly, is that I don't want to speak to a pair of saggy old tits like yours when i could get a view of your eyes. Level eyes, as equals." I gestured at her cob-webbed milk sacks and to our eyes respectively I leaned back into the warm dark flesh of my seat.

Her eyes narrowed. "Speaking honestly, you are a lecherous little imp aren't you."

_Can't hide that at this point._

I nodded with a smile.

She's catching on with the honesty thing here. With people like her, the truth will work better than any lie.

"You expect the Tyrells to ally with a drunken little imp like you? Are you simple minded as well?" She inquired with a frown.

"Yes to both" I responded quickly with another nod and smile.

Her face cleared of expression and yet I could see disgust and contempt in her eyes.

Amusement too.

"Please, tell me. I would be delighted to hear why the roses should should join with a simple minded lecherous imp." She implored sarcastically.

"Well thats quite the question, I have a list of reasons for you." I replied with my ever present smile.

It creped people out.

"Are you wasting my time?" Was her sharp retort.

The Rock shook subtly as my desk vibrated slightly. My crystal brandy flute almost fell out of my hand as part of my throne sneezed.

The Reach and the West lands both had their history with earthquakes and minor tremors were common events. The Rock had never dropped a stone from an earthquake in it's many thousand years of existence. The tremor did not alarm her.

"Time spent with me is never wasted, my Lady. I think you should see with your own eyes why our houses should ally. Words cannot give a true impression." I finished my statement with an arm flourish to my opened office door.

Instead of heading out of the dungeons, where her guards waited, we traveled further down the rows of empty cells.

I did not take prisoners and these cells had had no use, since the death of my father, as anything other than my sadistic play space. The JC or fines were penalties for all level of crime. The wall for those that cannot pay the fines I lay out in judgment. I had sent two thousand to the wall in the last year.

She had no fear of my dungeon. She was protected by the guest right and if violated, i could Imagine the consequence as clearly as she could. The second I laid a hand on her, a hundred thousand angry bannermen would hit my south flank and reeve the Westerlands like a hot knife through butter.

The Tyrells were the only ones with enough calvary and mobility on the battlefield to truly harm my numbers and discipline. I might win, but would never be able to stop the other Warden's armies at the same time.

It would interrupt trade too._ Which I would never do._

As we came to the thick pad-locked door at the end of the hall, I reached into my pocket for the key. "I think you should note that I have spent the last year fortifying the only two known deposits of brimstone outside of the doomed lands of Valyria with tens of thousands as reason number one."

She scoffed. "I find that hard to see as a reason."

As the door opened, a scent of rotten eggs wafted into the dungeons. The sound like a waterfall. A small room with a shallow pool of water on the floor, fed by a pipe in the ceiling. In the corner, a weirwood chute that led deep into the sulfuric darkness drained the water down.

"Is this the reason?" she inquired with acidic voice, her patience wearing thin.

"No, this is my personal entrance. I just had it finished. Now follow me and I will show you how to keep your family from dying in unspeakable agony on a stick." I replied. My own patience wearing thin.

Six months were spent blasting and digging down the mountain for this tunnel. Two years for the White Harbor shipwrights to carve, connect, and sand down the slide. It was very, very expensive.

I was very, very rich.

Sure, I could have used the gold to erect some sewers for Lannisport or build more ships, but really... Who do you think I am?

My laughter echoing down the water-slide was soon joined by her screeches as we went deep into the mountain's abyss.


End file.
